Emotional intelligence and understanding others
Emotional intelligence is one of the most underrated yet influential factors when it comes to maintaining your I-frequency. Whether in everyday life, in conflicts or in deep relationships – a lack of emotional intelligence can lead you into states of misunderstanding, insinuation, frustration or helplessness.
Even if the manifestations of emotional ambiguity are different – misunderstandings, suppressed feelings, escalating tensions – the cause is always the same: unconscious thinking. You are not experiencing what someone else is doing. You experience what you think about what someone else is doing.
No matter how someone behaves, speaks or reacts – you alone decide what you make of it. That is your free will. But you can only use it if you realize that what you perceive is not objective reality – but your interpretation of it.
This is where emotional intelligence begins.
The cause behind the episode.
One of the key characteristics of emotional intelligence is the ability to separate perception from reaction. You perceive something – a face, a word, a sound – and a thought immediately arises. This thought triggers an emotion. This emotion becomes a feeling. And this feeling often leads to an action – verbal, mental or physical. This automatic chain reaction is exactly what emotional intelligence tries to interrupt.
Because if you don’t break the chain, your system reacts automatically – not to the other person, but to a memory that your subconscious has stored from your past. You don’t see the other person as they are. You see them through your emotional filter. That’s not emotional intelligence – that’s emotional autopilot.
Presence instead of projection
Emotional intelligence means staying in the present – not reacting out of projections. Most people believe they are interacting with others. In truth, they are only interacting with their own subconscious: their fears, unmet needs and beliefs about how people “should” be. If this subconscious content is negative, distorted or fear-based, then so are your reactions.
You may think someone is being disrespectful – in reality, your subconscious is just reminding you of a situation in which you once felt humiliated. Your interpretation has nothing to do with the actual person. This is emotional absence.
True emotional intelligence begins when you realize that your first thought after a perception is not necessarily true – and that you have the power to replace it.
Understanding others through yourself.
If you want to understand another person, you must first understand yourself. Not in the psychological sense, but in the sense of the Fearless Code: You have to recognize what first thought arises in your system when you perceive someone – and consciously question it. Only then will there be room for real connection. Only then can your perception be corrected by logic instead of being controlled by programming.
You don’t understand someone by analyzing their behavior.
You understand someone by recognizing what thought has arisen in your system about that behavior – and whether that thought is logical.
If you interpret someone’s silence as rejection, your emotional reaction will be distance. However, if you insert the thought “Maybe he’s just tired”, your system will produce understanding instead of fear. A single thought changes the entire emotional chain.
The emotional bridge.
Emotionally intelligent people do not react out of habit. They pause. They insert a new thought. And this thought builds a bridge – not only to yourself, but also to others. Because only when you are in your I-frequency – that is, in a state of unconditional presence, logic and truth – can you really see others. And only then can you really help.
You can’t help someone you misunderstand.
You can’t resolve a conflict in which you are emotionally involved.
You can’t fulfill a wish if you are blinded by your own projections.
But you can do all that – if you are emotionally intelligent.
Love = understanding.
Love and emotional intelligence are not separate. In the Fearless Code, love is not an emotion. It is a state – a decision. It is presence. It is logic. And emotional intelligence is the tool that enables this presence in human interaction. It is what keeps you from taking things personally. Remaining open, even in the face of rejection. Giving clarity instead of reproach.
It is what enables you to see someone not as they appear in your head – but as they are in their own world.
And that has one consequence: you start to feel needs. You become aware of unspoken fears. You recognize the logic behind the behaviour – even if you don’t approve of it. And so you stop reacting – and start responding.
That is the beginning of true empathy.
Conditions vs. understanding
Most people set conditions in their communication – without realizing it. They think: “If he apologizes, I’ll forgive.” Or: “If she understands me, I’ll open up.” But emotional intelligence is not about conditions. It works through understanding.
You understand because you can, not because the other person fulfills a condition. And that changes everything. You are no longer a prisoner of the behavior of others. Your ability to understand no longer depends on how “well” the other person communicates.
It only depends on your own clarity.
The logic of emotion.
Emotions are not random. They are the logical consequence of a certain thought – which has followed a certain perception. If your thought is distorted, your emotion is also distorted. And your reaction is inappropriate. Emotional intelligence corrects the distortion – not by suppressing it, but by correcting the cause.
The cause is always the thought.
And the first thought is always your decision – if you notice it.
So the key is to train your system to recognize that first thought. To notice it. To question it. And to consciously choose a new one – not for the other person, but for yourself.
This is how emotional intelligence protects your I-frequency.
From fear to clarity.
Many conflicts are not real. They are illusions – created by fear. You think someone is attacking you, but they are just expressing a need. You think someone is rejecting you, but they are just in pain. You think someone is ignorant, but they are simply overwhelmed.
If you react out of fear, you reinforce fear.
If you react out of clarity, you dissolve it.
Emotional intelligence is not gentleness. It is precision.
It is not tolerance. It is clarity.
It does not mean being “nice” – but being present.
The end of interpretation.
The highest form of emotional intelligence is the absence of interpretation. You perceive – and stay with the perception. You don’t make a story out of it. You don’t make it your own. You remain aware that what you see is only a fragment – filtered through your subconscious.
And this awareness gives you freedom: the freedom not to react, but to respond. The freedom not to judge, but to clarify. The freedom not to protect, but to recognize.
Emotional intelligence is unconditional.
It does not depend on the mind, behavior or maturity of the other person. It is a solo ability. A state. And when it is active, you become a space – where others can relax, feel safe and open up.
Because emotional intelligence does not demand.
It gives.
It gives understanding, space, presence – and therefore love.
Tutorial Information
Time Required
– approx. 30-60 minutes
– Repeat the tutorial until you notice a change in the development of your emotional intelligence. Then optimize your beliefs until you notice that you can assess people very well and respond to them.
Effect
You will continuously strengthen your emotional intelligence, which will be noticeable in your encounters and interactions with people – but also with yourself.
Although emotional intelligence relates to other people, it also applies to you, as it enables you to understand yourself better – to recognize your emotions and their causes.
This will result in you noticing significant changes in many areas of your life, as almost every area of our lives is connected to other people.
A strong Emotional Intelligence will not only open many doors for you, it will also enable you to make more intensive connections with people. Connections that are based on love. This will ultimately benefit your I-frequency!
Tip
– Take the Emotional Intelligence Test to determine your factor.
– Write down your new beliefs as often as possible, thereby reinforcing them. Also write them down in a notebook that you keep with you and read through them regularly.
– Use thought supports to permanently remind you of your new beliefs be reminded.
Downloads
Here you can download the instructions and the worksheet for the tutorial as a printable PDF.
This is how you program a new belief system to strengthen your emotional intelligence:
Hint: Use the tutorial worksheet to identify, define and program your beliefs.
It is important that you use your own words and expressions! Write the way you think!
1. Go into your I-frequency – think of someone you love or something you love.
2. Think about how you use your Emotional Intelligence in encounters with people, in different situations or areas of life. To what extent can you put yourself in people’s shoes and build an emotional bond with them? Observe how you feel, e.g. when you think about how you see or assess certain people in your environment? How does your I-frequency react when you tell yourself that you have a high level of emotional intelligence and can relate to people very well?
Your I-frequency becomes stronger:
3. If you feel good because your I-frequency is getting stronger, analyze the content of your thoughts. How do you feel about your ability to relate to people, to recognize and understand their emotions? What words do you use? Why do you feel good when you think about it.
Note down a few key points under 1. in the worksheet.
This section describes how you have thought so far.
4. Think about whether you want to continue thinking this way or whether you want to optimize your thoughts a little more so that you feel even better and express even more love and self-confidence when you think about your Emotional Intelligence.
When you are clear about how you want to think, write down the thoughts under 5. (Even if they are identical to 1. )
This area describes how you want to think now.
Then continue at point 5. here.
Your I-frequency becomes weaker:
3. If you don’t feel good or your I-frequency drops, you have identified an unfavorable belief. This belief expresses in some way that you cannot relate well to people, that you are somehow limited or that you doubt yourself. Try to find out on which topic you are losing your I-frequency and analyze the underlying thoughts of your belief. How are you still expressing absence, separation, lack or wanting (fear)? Identify the words through which you express that you believe you do not have sufficient emotional intelligence.
Note these thoughts under 1. in the worksheet. This section describes how you have thought so far.
4. Now define thoughts for your new belief system that express the presence of a pronounced Emotional Intelligence. Formulate thoughts that match your level: Statements that you can think and feel without resistance, i.e. your I-frequency remains constant or improves. Not all the way to the top!
Note these thoughts (as keywords) under 5. This section describes how you want to think now.
Continue at point 5. here.
5. Next, formulate how you want to feel when you use your Emotional Intelligence and write it down under 2.
6. Then formulate how you would like to perceive yourself when interacting with people and exploring their emotions and write it down under 3.
7. Now combine the points 2. and 3. into a single statement (can consist of several sentences!) and write them down under 4.
8. Combine Your statement 4. with the newly defined ideas / content 5. into your new belief (also as a statement!). Write it down under 6.
9. Write down your belief in as many places as possible. Write small pieces of paper and hand them out. Write the belief in a notebook and keep it with you at all times. The point is to remind yourself of your new belief as often as possible. You can also make yourself thought aids, such as small colorful dots to stick everywhere. Be creative!
10. Think exclusively about this new belief! Think it as often as possible, e.g. when you interact with people – or with yourself! Also apply the belief when you notice that your I-frequency is dropping because you are still a little unsure whether you can rely on your emotional intelligence – it is strongly developed. Whenever the topic is relevant.
11. You should take action! Start and stay disciplined until your new belief is programmed and you realize that your Emotional Intelligence is stronger than before and you realize that you are always right when you assess people!
Check your I-frequency regularly and correct your beliefs if necessary.
12. Complete further tests with the corresponding tutorials, as everything is connected and your skills influence each other. It is therefore very important that you work on all your skills and achieve a high level of proficiency.
Your I-frequency shows you at any time where there is still a need for action.
Listen to them!